My husband has left me.  I don’t blame him, in fact I expected it.  A week ago when the doctor told us that I needed to do nothing (emphasis on nothing) for two weeks, my husband got this deer in the headlights look on his face.  He lasted a week.  That’s five days longer than I thought.  He tried to get out on Monday, day 4.  He came to my bedside and asked very sweetly if I wanted to try going downstairs.  I gave him a look that could stop a glacier.  Mind you, I’m a lamb.  You will not find a woman more tolerant than me anywhere on this planet, but I can’t go to the bathroom and he thought I was going to go downstairs!  You know men and the look they get on their faces when they know they’ve said something that they intended to be really sweet, but it came out really stupid.  It’s kind of the same look a kid gets when they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar and there is no easy way out.  Well, he got that look.  Now, if you know me you know I had to hassle him a little and he absolutely could not wait to get back downstairs to his man cave and the quiet solitude therein.

Today is Wednesday…he has been here everyday just as patient as he can be.  He even made me a peach pie. (When I say made, I mean took out of a box and put in the oven, but hey he set the timer and made sure it didn’t burn!)  So I really can’t blame him for leaving me.  Hell, I wish I could leave me.  I would be out the door faster than you could say “jelly doughnut” and no one would see my fat ass again until Thanksgiving.  But I’m still here.  Looks like I’ll be here all week.  TaDa!!  My one magic trick.

If you ever decide to do a gynecological remodel you need to be aware of just a few things.  First- If you live in a two story home, try to have a room available in the lower level with a bed in it so you can feel like part of the family. Second- Get a lot of excellent reading material together before the procedure.  Don’t trust someone else to do it.  Believe me, the concept of excellent is much broader than you would think. Third - don’t lull yourself into thinking that a couple of weeks in bed will be great!! You’ll get so much rest!!  It’s bull.  What you get is a numb butt and really impatient.  Fourth - People are too busy to come see you during the day, and if they say they’ll come by at night they are probably lying…and finally Fifth - people will get tired of your whiney ass.  When they ask how you are feeling they want to hear “fine”.  They don’t want the truth.  If they have to hear the truth, or a description of what the truth looks like, they will leave.  Just like my husband did.  Don’t think harshly of him.  He’ll be back.  He just went to a business meeting.  Here is the harsh part, when I called my mother to see if she could come over (because I’m not supposed to be alone…probably because they think I’ll committ suicide ) she ditched me too!  I can understand why my husband would want to split like a tight pair of pants, but my mother?  I may have to reconsider what a pleasant person I’ve been.  Nah…I’m good.