I only learned about the existence of poo particles today. I’m not particularly worried about their existence, but I feel it is my duty to tell the world so that if you have poo particle phobia you will be warned. 

 My daughter brought these filthy beasts to my attention.  Now I know a lot of parents don’t listen when their children speak, but my daughter is one of those special children who just demands your attention (plus she’s 23).  Overtime you will come to know my girl, but let’s just say she is a force to be reckoned with.  When she was delivered and they placed her naked little body on my chest, she looked up and said ” who’s in charge here.  It’s cold, I’m naked and you nicked me with that hang nail.” We thought she was precious.  Well 23 years have passed and a lot of adjectives have been used to describe my darling daughter but to me she is still precious.  Yes, she is a precious pain in the ass, however; she never fails to teach me things.  I have learned things from my sons (I will save that for a whole other post) but daughter knowledge is entirely different.  Your daughter will teach you fashion…through humiliation.  She will tell you how old you are, up until the time that you are old.  But just when you think you’ve heard it all…along come poo particles.

We were talking about magazine articles…well specifically we were talking about Travis Stork, M.D. and how ridiculously gorgeous he is when I asked her if she had seen this week’s Time magazine.  OMG!! A Look came across her face that was filled with righteous indignation!  Her purple, veined, face was framed by snakes when she turned it on me and I heard thunder fill the air as she said “Did he have it in the bathroom?” “He” is my husband. “He”, like every man in existence, reads in the bathroom. We don’t talk about it.  If “he” finds out I blogged about it “he” may kill me. but anyway….back to my story…I answered that I really didn’t know.  She whipped that glorious blond head around to me and growled, “Oh you know”.  I offered to go get the magazine for her, and this is when I learned about poo particles.

Apparently, she has read, heard, watched, sensed…(I honestly don’t know she came by this knowledge) that if you go “big potty” you give off poo particles in the air and these particles can travel up to three feet.  Therefore, anything that has been in your bathroom while anyone has gone “big potty” is highly contaminated.  While the magazine was no longer in the bathroom it was still covered in poo particles.  I asked (because I had to) what about the person on the potty.  Well, it seems the person should (in theory) shower immediately after going “big potty” but if that is not possible you just have to live with a certain amount of poo fallout, but that’s because we are basically filthy creatures.  It’s not like we go around touching our clothes alot, and it’s alot easier to wash our clothes than our magazines.  This little lamb of mine was going to go spend her hard earned dollars on a new magazine rather than risk poo particle exposure.

Now I have to admit that I am not nearly as terrified as my darling.  Maybe because I’ve been a Mom and I’ve dealt with a a lot of poo.  Or maybe because I’m old and life has been flinging poo at me for as long as I can remember, but I really don’t have a huge fear.  I don’t wait to lie in a vat of poo and wallow around, but a few poo particles don’t particularly frighten me.  I’ve got my Clorox surface cleaner and I’m not afraid to use it.  But knowing that she’s afraid pleases me.  I don’t know why.  It’s one of those little happinesses that I can’t explain.  Oh, don’t you judge me!  You’ve got something that makes you happy that you’d rather people didn’t know about.  You probably think midgets are funny or watch those videos that only show people getting hit in the crotch and just roll around in the floor howling in laughter…so don’t you judge me!  I think my happiness stems from the fact that I’ve instilled a love for cleanliness in at least one child. Plus, as long as she’s that afraid of poo she won’t have kids. (Maybe) But it does make you think doesn’t it.  I think she should go into business warning people about the poo particles.  She could get a pimped out ride (or some old ambulance or hearse) and fill it with all sorts or anti-bacterials and then she could get some employees to help her and they could go around sanitizing the world.  They could call themselves….wait for it…..The Poo Fighters!!!  (If I have to explain it you really are old)

 

 

So anyway I’ve done my job…haha…I meant about telling you about poo particles.  So keep everything precious to you at least 3 feet from the potty, and if you are still afraid wrap your magazine in that plastic crap that the put magazines in at the doctor’s office but use it on all the pages…or the poo particles will get you if you don’t watch out!