It’s hard to type with just one hand, at least for me.  I’ve seen people doing it and doing it beautifully but the problem is I know better.  This is just the beginning of the problems posed by having my right hand in a cast up to my shoulder.  I would love to tell you that it is a pleasure exploring these unexplored  pleasures, but I can’t because they suck.  I didn’t sleep well last night because my right arm outweighs my left by about twenty pounds.  This led to balance issues.  I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that just yet, but I’m thinking of lying with my breasts on my left arm tonight and see if that helps.  They fall to the sides anyway why not make them work for me.

I showered with a trash bag on my right arm.  Oooh! sexy…yeah, bite me.  It’s not like anyone was in there with me, but let me finish painting this picture.  I could shave my legs just fine, but the left armpit was trickier than dating your best friend’s guy (which I did, but she dated mine and we both knew about it so it wasn’t as crazy as it might sound).  Washing your hair can be done with one hand, but conditioning is trickier.  Who knew right?  The lid on my conditioner is tricky and twists open.  I braced it against my cast to twist, but i couldn’t pour it in my right hand (encased as it was in a trash bag) and I had to hold it in my left…so I poured the conditioner on my breast then scooped it up and put it on my hair.  TADA!!!  I am woman hear me roar… forget the fact that I can’t dry my hair alone, line my eyes, or wear the largest part of my wardrobe…I’m still roaring.

This is only day two.  I figure that within a reasonable time frame I will be back to my wicked, wicked, ways with one hand perfectly manicured.  It’s not doing anything else, surely it can grow nails.   Orrr…I can play poor distressed femme and have everyone wait on me hand and foot.  Nah…plan one is better.  If I try to do too much, I’m sure to make a big mess of something.  Then they’ll have to clean it up, because I’m just so useless.  HAHAHA!!!!  The wickedness begins even now.  I could pat myself on the back.  I would clap, but well you know…. 

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