Whatever happened to public floggings?  Granted, I wasn’t actually around when they took place (probably just as well actually) but I have a feeling people were more well behaved.  Think about it, if you acted up in public you got tied up to some post or something and had the crap beat out of you.  Now that’s incentive to behave!  Today’s parents not only don’t spank, they give Jr. choices.  Don’t get me wrong I gave my kids choices too, do what I said or get a spanking.  They turned out alright.  I think I mentioned before that none of them have prison records.  I am one proud parent.

Now don’t think for one minute that I am advocating torture or abuse.  I’m talking about spankings, the kind we all received back in the day.  The kind that have become taboo, because parents are afraid to spank Johnny because DHS might show up on their door and take him away.  That fear gives Johnny the upper hand and the upper hand is something parents cannot afford to lose.  Not so long ago my oldest son told me (like he is divulging a state secret) that my spankings had never hurt.  I told him I had never intended to hurt him.  I just wanted to stop the behavior he was indulging in and let him know it was unacceptable.  Now, he’s a parent.  He says that he intends to spank the lad when the situation warrants it, but that he will always remember what I told him about spankings.  I told him I was so glad I had touched him in a positive manner and to always remember…don’t leave marks and there should be no witnesses.

Parenting must be harder with your hands tied.  I know my Dad had his bluff in so well that just a change in his tone of voice could totally change my behavior and I can’t remember the man ever laying a hand on me.  He had a way of lowering his voice and asking me if I was going to settle down that let me know I was going to whether it was my first choice or not.   I guess I inherited some of his magic because I remember being in public with my children when they were being rowdier than I would have liked, and all I said was “hey!” and the older one said to the younger one “cool it!  She’s got her mom face on.”

Some parents don’t get it and may never.  I was out shopping a while back and I had the misfortune of getting behind Zach and his Mom.  Zach started irritating his mom as soon as they entered the store.  He wanted the cart that looked like the car…she said no.  He whined.  She threatened to spank him.  He cried.  In the produce aisle she picked fruit he didn’t like and he didn’t like any veggies.  Throughout the whole store it seemed I was behind “Zachy” and his mom and all she said for the entire hour was “do you want a spanking?  If you don’t settle down you’re going to get a spanking.  I’ve just about had it mister, you are just asking for a spanking.”  Over and over again….she could have just recorded it and played it for all the good it was doing “Zachy” or anyone of the disgusted shoppers in the store.  When she and Zachy finally arrived at the checkout, who should they pull up behind but little ol’ me.  Well, Zachy started climbing the candy display that is always beside the checkout and once again I heard “Zachy!  Do you Want A Spanking?”  Well, by now Zach and I both knew she wasn’t going to spank him, but I alone seemed to be the only one who knew that’s what he needed.  So I leaned over my cart and asked her, “Ma’am do you want me to spank him for you, because frankly I don’t think you’re going to.”  She looked at me as if I had slapped her, but didn’t say a word.  When the cashier started laughing at me…she muttered something akin to “I never in all my life” which I was pretty sure of and she quickly wheeled her cart and Zachy to another aisle.  Yes, I know it was a bitchy thing to do, but I was able to load my cart in silence.

I’m all for reasoning with children if and when they become reasonable people.  While they are sticky fingered little humans in training they need guidance not options.  Their little brains haven’t formed well enough to make logical decisions.  That’s why they leave food on their plates and eat boogers.  Don’t give them too much credit.  I love children.  Especially toddlers, they wake up in a new world every day and find joy in the smallest things, but they are not responsible beings.  Don’t treat them as such.  The reason they need parents is because they are incapable of making informed decisions, and if you have to hit that precious little booty every once in a while to keep them on the straight and narrow that doesn’t make you a bad parent.  Hell that makes you the best parent in the world…one that is willing to go to jail for your child.  And by the way, if you ever run across a child that says yes when you ask them if they want a spanking…that child needs a special kind of help.  Don’t turn your back on them, and sleep with your bedroom door locked…just in case.  In fact, to be safe, just do that anyway.