After much consideration, and the fact that I have already participated in Jenny Craig, my daughter, husband and I have started the “Cookie Diet”.  Now that sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?  Eating cookies on a diet seems to good to be true.  The reason that it sounds too good to be true is because it is. 

The premise of the cookie diet is eating six high protein low fat cookies per day and having a sensible lean protein meal for dinner.  The cookies come in several flavors, but you can’t order an assortment.  You get one flavor of cookie per single order at the grand total of $60.  At first, that didn’t seem too bad at first, $60 for a week’s worth of food…but then you have to add in the price of the groceries for the evening meal.  Yet, this is the least disturbing aspect of the diet.  Let me break it down for you.  When we placed our first order we left it in the hands of my husband.  That was a big mistake.  He ordered blueberry.  Blueberry cookies weren’t my idea of fantastic to begin with.  I thought chocolate, coconut, or just about any flavor would be better, but blueberry was ordered and blueberry was received.  About this same time my husband decided to leave town for a week.  He said it was for business, I believe it was so we could try the damn cookies while he was gone and then tell him what it was like.

Day one was met with great excitement.  Yeah, new diet, gonna lose a ton of weight…eating cookies!  Woo-hoo!!…Then I opened the bag of cookies.  The cookies are very small,  about 1″ in diameter.  I thought this was a bad thing…until I tasted the cookie.  It wasn’t!  To call these little lumps of crap a cookie is to do an injustice to cookies worldwide.  The “cookie” tastes like a sponge (with the same texture) and has peculiar little pimples of some unknown origin dotting it throughout.  There is relatively little flavor to this little creation, and what flavor there is, is bad.  Suddenly the thought of six a day seems daunting.  At the end of the first day, I had managed three and my daughter two.   By six o’clock in the evening we were starving.  Dinner never tasted so good.  When I told my husband about the cookies (size and lack of flavor) he opted out.  He says he is going to try Slim-fast.  I think he is a chicken.  Scratch that…I know he is a chicken.

Day two I discovered that the sponges were tastier if you had them with coffee or milk and took a bite of cookie and followed it with a gulp of beverage.  Don’t chew until you’ve created a little mix in your mouth.  Like other sponges, the cookies soak up the beverage and then (at least) you have something that resembles flavor.  Using this method we were able to increase our cookie intake.  At the end of the day, I had four cookies and my daughter had eaten three.  Dinner wasn’t as tempting on day one.  I’m beginning to see how this diet works. I believe if you stay on this diet long enough, food will hold no interest for you.  I tell my husband how things are progressing.  He allows as to how blueberry may not have been the best choice.  Really…you don’t think.  How about you order the nastiest cookie flavor offered, then leave town when it is time to start dieting.  Chicken out before you ever taste this shit and tell me that you think blueberry might not have been the best choice.  It’s a good thing he’s out of town!

Day three, I weighed.  My daughter hasn’t done this yet.  She says she really hadn’t weighed before she started so she has no way of knowing whether or not she’s lost weight.  I have lost 1.5 pounds.  Gratification!!  I am ready to face the cookies.  Two at breakfast (the most you can have at one time) with a cup of coffee with each.   Two in the afternoon for lunch.  Dinner, and then one more as a snack before bed.  Five, I had made it to five.  I notice that my daughter is supplementing her cookies with yogurt and toast.  Not unhealthy choices, but not exactly the cookie diet.  When I quiz her about this, she very quickly (and a little hatefully) tells me that she is not feeling particularly well and she really can’t face the cookies this morning.  As the day passes she is seen grudgingly munching a cookie.  I dare not mention this.  Diets make people angry.  I know, I’m dieting.

Day four…I no longer am interested in sweets.  I no longer have hunger pangs that compare to the pain of childbirth.  I have gotten used to eating the little lumps of blueberry hell.  Do I like them? No.  But, I know I can survive eating them.  I need to order another box.  There are only three days left for the blueberry.  I am trying to decide whether or not I will continue.  A part of me knows I will, but a part of me wonders why I am so cruel to myself.    Another part of me wants to take the cookies out of the box and eat the box…I think it may have more flavor.  You can bet your ass that I won’t be getting blueberry next time.

This is not a long term diet.  The company says that it is a kick start to healthy dieting.  Once the pounds start rolling off and you see the results then you can begin to wean yourself off of the cookies and go to a less drastic diet.  Pounds rolling seems promising.  They are kind of dragging their little feet right now, but I shall keep trudging along.  I know dieting is not a pretty process.  This one is no uglier than others.  Granted, less calories are consumed this way than eating three squares a day plus snacks.  Jenny Craig definitely has more taste appeal (the fact that it has taste is the proof of this), but at least on this diet I can choose what to have for dinner.  Let me also mention that when you are only having dinner, you begin to really look forward to it.  There is none of that, “oh crap, I have to fix dinner.”  It is more like you start the day thinking about what you get to have for dinner.  This is the carrot you dangle in front of yourself that gets you through the day.  We have even begun to consider an exercise program.  Only consider so far, because we haven’t had the energy to actually go out and purchase the DVD we’ve decided to work out with.  However; I think this will pass.  I have to.  Otherwise all I’m left with is six crappy cookies a day, no energy, and a bad taste in my mouth.  Thank God I’m going through this with my daughter.  Misery loves company you know.  We have been each others support system.  She makes sure I eat my cookies.  I make sure she eats her cookies.  Life is good.  Last night she mentioned another bright side…we’ve been drinking a lot more milk.  Since we  both are calcium deprived, this a good thing.  So all in all it’s worth sticking it out for a little longer.  How much, I can’t say.  I will keep you advised, dear readers.  If my rants get longer and crankier you’ll know I am still dieting.  If I become all sunshine and bluebirds that will indicate the consumption of chocolate.  Sunshine and bluebirds?…me?…another bright side, my writing won’t suffer.  I shall continue to entertain you as I attempt to lose the 50 pounds I need to lose.  Wish me well!