I rocked my kids.  Not with real rocks (although there were times when I considered it) but in a rocking chair.  I tell myself it was because I nursed.  That’s really not true though.  I just loved holding their tiny little bodies against mine until they went to sleep, and if I had it to do over I wouldn’t change a thing.  My non-vag daughter doesn’t rock the grand baby.  She puts him in his bed while he is still awake and walks out of the room and leaves him.  The thought sends shivers down my spine.  I just don’t know how she can do it.  It’s inconsistent with everything I’ve seen of today’s parenting techniques.  Today’s parents don’t spank.  They discipline gently.  What a crock!  The little hard heads I raised would have run rough shod over me if I had tried such a thing. 

I’m not knocking today’s parents.  Well, maybe a little, but parenting is hard work no matter how you go about it.  While I agree that it is important to talk to your children, I also believe you have to get their respect.  If that means you have to pop their butts so be it.  It doesn’t work on all kids.  You definitely have to find what works.  My middle son always wanted to be the center of attention.  What worked with him was taking him out of the spotlight.  I remember once when he was about three or so he threw a temper fit.  Not just a little fit, it was a ring-tail hissy (this is the worst of all the hissies).  In keeping with the punishment that worked, I put him in his room and told him when he calmed down he could rejoin the family.  I came into the kitchen and began to do the dishes (in the olden days I didn’t have a dishwasher).  I had my back to his door, but I heard it open and assumed he was through with his little fit.  Soon a set of toddler teeth were firmly lodged in my butt and before I could retaliate he had returned to his room and locked his door.  Probably for the best…I kind of needed to calm down.

My grandson has this same type of temper.  Recently I saw it in action.  He hates taking off his coat.  If you leave your coat on and someone goes outside your chances are better for going along.  Well, he and his mommy had been shopping and she decided he needed a bath.  She forced the coat off.  OMG!!  You would have thought she was beheading the child!  He threw himself down on the floor.  He cried as she carried him to the tub.  He cried throughout the bath.  He cried as she dried him off.  He refused diapering and cried as he rolled around naked on the floor.  I thought I would help by fixing him some warm milk.  I brought it to him…he was sob sobbing and blotchy and I offered him the milk.  He got up and raised his little hand to me and slapped the bottle out of my hand.  I kind of wanted to pop him, but he’s not mine and they don’t spank.  So I left the room.  However; I was pleased to know that my son was going to have his hands full for a good long time.

My daughter, non-vag daughter and I were going to watch a movie recently.  My non-vag daughter decided to bring the portable crib into the living room because it is warmer than the upstairs. (I didn’t think this would work, but I kept quiet…no easy feat)  The baby was put in his p.j.’s and placed in the crib.  He flopped down on the pillows.  He sang a little bit.  He played a little peek-a-boo.  Then that little face peered over the top of the crib, “night, night mommy…night, night ninna…night, night emmy”.  We all said night, night back.  Then in a very sing song voice he said, “emmy, emmy” and he held up his little hands to me. “Uppy”.  I’m not made of stone, people.  If they want that child to stay in a crib they need to stay at home with him.  I didn’t do that with my kids and I sure as hell am not going to do that to my grandson.  Of course, I picked the little lamb up.  I breathed in the sweet baby scent of him and totally ignored the movie.  Movies can be watched anytime. 

The non-vag daughter should have expected it.  Last summer when they went on vacation for a week I kept the baby.  The one rule was they couldn’t complain about his being spoiled when they got back.  They returned and nothing was said about his being spoiled for a few days.  About day three I was talking to her and she commented that they were having trouble putting him to bed at night.  She said that he would be just dead tired and as soon as she put him down he began crying.  He would cry for several minutes rather than going right to sleep as was the norm.  I hesitantly told her that it was possible this new development was my fault.  “While you were gone, I rocked him to sleep.”  There was a hush that filled the room.  It was born of wanting to say something and knowing that if you do you may be cancelling any free babysitting coming to you forever.  “Oh”, she said.  “That would explain it.  Wonder how long it’s going to take to get past this?”  I just looked at her and smiled.  I didn’t think I wanted grandchildren.  I knew I didn’t want to grandparent the way my mother and sisters had.  I don’t either.  I love the little lamb to pieces, but I do it on my own schedule and in my own way.  I don’t apologize and I don’t back down.  He and I will always have a very special relationship.  I will be the backbone against the parents that he can’t have, and he will know this.  I think he may know this already.  He already knows Emmy rocks and Emmy will uppy.  He may know Emmy better than Emmy. 

There is nothing wrong with rocking your babies to sleep.  There is nothing wrong with spanking either.  You don’t have to hurt them.  You just have to get their attention.  Rocking isn’t spoiling either.  It is just letting them know that while they are sleeping you will be there.  You will be protecting and listening for the things that go bump in the night.  Everyone needs that, especially little people who fit so deliciously into the curve of your neck and smell delightfully of baby wash and lotion.  It relaxes the baby and the grandparent.  It is a wonderful experience.  I highly recommend it.  If you are denying your child of this…you are really denying yourself.