I have been reading everything I can read about the “Octomom”.  I know this is just sensationalism, and I don’t really condone it.  I just like that the media is calling her the “Octomom”.  I wish I had been a cool enough mom to have a moniker.  I would have probably been the “Cusses like a Sailor” mom or “Can’t seem to get shit done” mom.  You’ve got to admit, love her or hate her, “Octomom” has a nice ring to it. 

It sounds like instead of eight preemie babies she has eight long tentacled arms and is able to do several things extraordinarily well.  I’m beginning to believe in her too.  She has her B.A. in Science and is planning to go back to school in the fall to get her Masters.  Apparently we are all gonna foot the bill for it too, because when she was asked if she had anyway of paying back the student loans she was applying for she quite honestly said no.  Her parents deliver all her kids to all of their appointed schools and return to take care of the smaller ones while she is seeing the babies at the NICU, and up until recently she had a publicist who was taking care of book, movie, and t.v. deals for her.  Seems the big chicken dumped her when he got a few death threats for handling her.  She’s got 14 kids under the age of 8 and he’s afraid of death.  Typical guy.   Speaking of guys…the 14 kids all have the same sperm donor, and I say sperm donor not dad because he is a friend of hers who would only donate if she would promise that under no circumstances would he ever have to help out financially with these kids.  They actually signed an agreement.  I signed that same agreement with my kids sperm donor.  It was a marriage license.  (insert rim shot) 

A recent article made the comment that “Octomom” was fascinated with Angelina Jolie.  Well, who isn’t?  What alien being is this Jolie creature who can raise six kids, make movies, sexually satisfy Brad Pitt, and live on airplane fuel?  I don’t see how she finds time for plastic surgery.  She is just amazing!  If she could act, no telling what she could accomplish.  “Octomom” outdid her though.  She took her measly brood and doubled it plus.  There was speculation that “Octomom had surgery to look more like the alien Ms. Jolie.   Duh!  Has anyone looked at a before and after photo of “Okky”?  Milk does not flow into lips.  Girl looks like a duck.  She can’t really even close her lips anymore.    Please….hasn’t had surgery about like Lisa Rinna hasn’t had surgery.   She had better be saving that surgery money for having dance hall rejuvenation.  First time she sneezes and pees herself she’s gonna be questioning the wisdom of those lips. 

My own theory of multiple pregnancy is this.  If woman were meant to have more than two babies at once, they would have more than two nipples.  In the animal world any animal that gives birth to multiples has a number of offspring equal to but not much greater than the number of nipples on there chest.  Yes, sometimes you will get a naturally occurring odd man out, but not six.  “Octomom’s” doctor was much more concerned with making history than the tiny lives he was creating.  When man starts playing God things start to go wrong.  Whether it’s placing babies in the womb or putting fat woman in spandex…just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  We have to learn to think more closely about the outcome of our action.   This woman is raising Jurassic Park!  Wanting kids is grand…it’s wonderful…it’s the way we are built.  Everyone who wants and can provide for children should have them.  Therein lies the rub…can she provide for 14 little mouths? 

“Octomom” is going to need to be a superhero.  She is going to need at least eight arms and all the help she can get.  She is going to need a real understanding set of grandparents and a cracker jack pediatrician…and if it was me a real good psychiatrist (although it could be that the barn door got left open on that one).  I’m glad it wasn’t me though.  I never had fertility issues, so I don’t understand that empty feeling of longing that women who can’t have children experience.  Even so, I never wanted a huge number of children.  I always knew that 2 or 3 would be my limit.  I think that is what confuses so many of us just plain humans…we are so happy just counting our 2 or 3 blessings, we can’t imagine going back to the IVF clinic for more when you have 6 at home.  What does that say to those 6?  Sorry, you just weren’t enough. 

Poor “Octomom”.  She was full, but was she fulfilled?  Only time will tell.  But if I were that sperm donor, unless I was an attorney and I knew that document was iron clad, I would be hell bent for leather…cause you know that some day assistance is going to run out, and she can only go to school for so long.   I mean, just who do you think she’s going to turn to when the chips are down?  Not the Dr. at the clinic.   That only leaves you, my friend….the judge ruled in my favor….and that’s all I have to say about that (14 times).

 

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