If you can recall, the precious one has given us his cold.  I am recovering nicely but the other night I had a bout of coughing  that rendered me sleepless.  I excused myself from the bedroom and went to the guest room, I figured there wasn’t any point in both of us missing out on sleep, and turned on the television.  Just in case you aren’t familiar with 3:00 a.m. television programs let me tell you, there just isn’t much on.  Once you’ve seen Billy Mayes and everything he has to sell and the new gomer with his Shamwow and Slap and Chop it gets real thin.  Then an amazing thing happened.  I foundRuPaul’s Drag Race.   I don’t know what was going on in my life previously that kept me from watching this, but it wasn’t worth it.  I need these girls in my life, and from now on, as God is my witness, they will be.

Last week there were five drag queens competing for the title.  To begin with they have to make the costume that they will wear down the runway.  Last week’s theme was fruit.  There  were lemons, mangoes, raspberries, papayas, and some other some old tired somethin’ that just wasn’t interesting.  They had to go to the fabric store and match their fabric to their fruit.  Such whining!  I haven’t seen such whining in I don’t know when!  Now, imagine you own the local fabric store.  In come five drag queens carrying fruit and holding it up to your wares in an attempt to match it because they are about to make a dress they are going to wear on national television.  Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be proud. Then, when they got back to the sewing machines to design their ensembles one poor dear had a complete breakdown.  Out came the tears…she didn’t know what she was going to do.  The color was ugly, the fabric was ugly, she was ugly, she couldn’t sew, and so on.  Let me just tell you, you haven’t lived until you have seen a grown, bald, Latino man cry over the color of the material he is about to make his prom dress out of!  Talk about a sight!  Then this tall white boy that talks sweeter than Yoo-hoo comes over and tells him that it will all be alright.  They share a moment (very touching) and of course the whiner conquers her fears and gets on with her business.  Just when you think every thing is going to be okay, who should walk in but RuPaul herself.  What?  That’s right!  RuPaul walks in and looks at everyone’s gowns and tells them what she (in all her fabulousness) thinks of their designs.  Then just before she walks out the door, she tells them oh and by the way you have to wear that tired old fruit we gave you on your costume!  OMG!!  I thought those bitches were going to throw down!  Weeping Willy looked on the verge of tears once again.  WTF? Was written all over her face.  I’m pretty sure she had papayas and I have to admit I was pretty concerned about where she was going to put them.  It can’t get any better right?…just wait!

The next day, after they have the costumes all done, they have to walk a catwalk in front of judges in their handmade duds.  This ain’t Project Runway.  I have never seen humans move like that!  I don’t see how these guys can call themselves female impersonators…which females have they been watching?  Anyway, once they line up at the end of the runway they are asked why they should be allowed to stay.  More tears of course and a lot of gobbledy gook but, (on the bright side) no speeches about world peace or feeding the hungry, and then they are asked who they think should go home.  Everyone turns on this one hussy and I guess she must be a real bitch because while they are raining hate on her she is just standing there taking it like “Come on, babies.  I can take it.  You haters!”  Then it’s her turn to tell them who she thinks should go and she says, “Send me home.  No one appreciates my beauty.  No one ever tells me I’m sexy…” and a bunch of other crap.  You could knock me over with a feather.  I’m like…fight bitch…don’t let them push you off the hill!  So they leave the  runway, and the judges begin their debate.

Well, I am just on pins and needles.  The judges admit that the older queen may really want to go home or she may just be using this as a ploy to get them to feel sorry for her and keep her on.  Duh!  They call in the girls.  They tell Miss Papaya she won this run.  Yea!  Anyway who expends that many tears should win!  And just so you know, she wore the papayas as a head dress.  They then announce the next two queens who are safe.  We are down to the final two.  Here’s what I didn’t know…when you get down to the final two they have to lip sync it out to a song that has been chosen by RuPaul herself.  They also have to dance.  Awesome!  Cue the music…and here it comes…I couldn’t tell you what the song was.  I don’t think I had ever heard it before, but it doesn’t matter.  It was awesome!  I was watching two drag queens dance it out on a runway in full on dress while lip syncing a song picked out by the Queen of all queens.  It just doesn’t get better than that! 

It took me awhile to go to sleep after that.  I was super pumped, as you can well imagine.  Don’t fret my dear ones, I now have this new treat set to Tivo weekly so you shall have updates.  I know many of you may not be blessed enough to get LOGO and I wouldn’t feel right having whet your appetite and then depriving you of that which you crave.  I will share.  Besides, it’s just too juicy to keep to myself.  Finally, television that defines Awesome!!

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