I succumbed to an infomercial.  I can’t believe I did it but I bought an “AS SEEN ON TELEVISION” item at Walgreen’s.  It’s the one that promises to remove hair and all you have to do is just gently rub it in a clockwise motion.  I had mom with me and I saw it and commented that I figured it was just a crock, but mom said that she had used the same thing years before and it worked.  Suddenly I was intrigued so I bought it and took it home to try.

The Smooth Awaycomes with two mitts.  One is large for large areas of your body and one is small to handle smaller areas.  It is basically really fine sandpaper that sticks to these mitts and you just rub the hair off your whatever.  Actually, I didn’t use it on my whatever.  I used it on my face.  It worked too!  As you all know I have complained about the chin whiskers,  well I rubbed those m’er f’ers right off.  I was sold!  I started rubbing my upper lip.  The cookie duster came clean in about 2 minutes.  Awesome!!  I looked at the peach fuzz that has been gathering on my face ever since menopause has set in.  I couldn’t stand it.  I started rubbing.  It came off too!  Not only was my face fur free I was now blessed with a rosy glow.  It was awesome.  The look of my skin was similar to that of someone who has just had an acid peel or a deep tissue facial.  It was amazing.  I was so impressed.  I went ahead and got in the shower to get ready for my day and when I got out I applied my moisturizer like always.  Holy Mary Mother of God…they forgot to mention that your face might be sensitive to products like your moisturizer right after you use sandpaper on it.  It never even entered my mind because up until then it didn’t hurt, and my moisturizer is by a company called Skyn from Iceland  and it has some type of cooling product in it.  Geez-a-lou it was like putting Icy Hot on a rug burn on my face!  I was upstairs in just a towel running around my bedroom nearly in tears saying “bring on the cool..bring on the cool.”  Finally the cooling effects began to kick in but seriously I thought no matter how good my face looked I might never do that again.

Then the hair started to grow back in.  It never occurred to me that I would have stubble.  The infomercial never discussed the coarse hair that would grow back in.  Seriously, I might as well have shaved!  I got the rosy glow (especially after the damned moisturizer) but I hadn’t counted on four o’clock shadow!  Fortunately it  took a few days before this showed up, as hairy as I am I wouldn’t have been surprised if it had been the same day.  Let me tell you, there would have been no way sandpaper was going back on this face that day.  I was really doing some thinking about whether or not I was going to even attempt the whole process again,  but some kid thought I was Colonel Sanders and that cinched it.  Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration but still I decided that if I were to swap the moisturizer for something a little kinder maybe it would be okay.  It was.  No pain!  I still got the rosy glow, but I didn’t have the stinging and burning so I don’t know if it was just that particular moisturizer (which I can still use on the days I don’t use the mitt) or if it was just the initial shock of my skin or the combination.  What I do know is that this product works.   But, you knew there was going to be a but didn’t you?  It is very slow going.  I wouldn’t want to use it on my legs and they are only about 28 inches long. It took the better part of 15 minutes to do my face, and I have a little face.  If I were to do my legs I would   A.) have to go without shaving for at least two days  and  B.) have to set aside half a day for the procedure.  I’ll just shave.  It’s boring and time consuming but at least I know it works and I don’t have to worry about which lotion I’m going to use.

I don’t usually buy stuff that I see on television.  I used to buy it for my dad because he thought all of it was great, and he used it too.  He had just about everything gadget you could think of and he loved each and every one.  We joked and joked about just getting Pa’s Christmas presents from the As Seen On TV aisle at Walgreens and one year we did.  It didn’t phase him a bit.  He loved it.  One year my husband bought me the  Magic Bullet because we loved the infomercial.  The premise was this young couple had these people drop by for a party and they could make all the party food and even Margaritas with the Magic Bullet.  The best part was the cranky old Aunt who lived with them.  When she came out of her bedroom in a floral quilted robe with curlers in her hair and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth begging for booze, I knew I needed a Magic Bullet.  I’ve used it maybe twice, and I’ve never used it to make Margaritas.

Anyway, do what you will with the info.  I’m just saying that it’s out there and it works and if you have nothing to do for several minutes, hours, days…you could always rub the hair off your __________(fill in the blank).  My hubby thought he was going to rub the hair off his face, but it would have taken a power sander not the poor little Smooth Away mitt I had.  I had to break the news to him that the instructions clearly state that it is not to be used on a masculine face…which is odd, because I have seen some women with masculine faces…and he just couldn’t understand what the difference would be.  It’s kind of the difference between an S.O.S. pad and a Cotton Ball.  Still the thought of him spending the days it would have required to get rid of his beard was funny to me because he only spends the ten minutes it takes to shave about twice a year.  I hated to tell him it wouldn’t work.  So as long as your not a heavily bearded man or if you are only a moderately hairy woman I strongly recommend the Smooth Away.  I would love to use it on my legs, but I just don’t have the patience to stay with anything for that long.  If you do, more power to you.  With my luck it would just erase some of the leg that I have and I really don’t have any to spare.