I have finally received my official papers from the Office of Title Registry (Britain).  I am an official Duchess.  Actually, I received them about ten days or so ago but at that point nothing funny had happened (or at least nothing worth writing about).  This has changed.  When I received my Title, one of the documents was an official name change.  It stated that my name has gone from just plain old Sloopy Chickentush to the fabulous Duchess Sloopy Chickentush and the paperwork that came with these documents suggested that you have your credit cards and checks and personal documents changed…mostly so you can get free crap if people are impressed by titles…so I did because I want all the free crap I can get.  I went about a week ago and had our checks changed and my credit cards changed and thought everything was taken care of. 

I received my new debit card and checks yesterday.  The debit card and checks proudly proclaim that I am Dutchess Sloopy Chickentush.  Did you see what I just wrote?  That wasn’t a typo.  The card and the checks both said DUTCHESS.  My husband was out of town on business.  I called him.  “Hey Sweetie, I got my new debit card and the new checks.”  “Oh yeah.” You could tell he was wondering why in the hell I had called him to tell him this news, since it was hardly earth shattering.  “Um Hmm.  They say right on them that I am a D.U.T.C.H.E.S.S.”  insert the sound of crickets chirping…”apparently I am not so much titled as I am a small woman from the Netherlands with wooden shoes.”  Then it hit him and the laughter ensued.

I have to say there was a part of me that was tempted just to keep the dutchess card and checks (by the way AMEX did better).  I kind of felt it was like when you wear a Rollex watch.  You know, I’m not a real Duchess…I’m a Dutchess.  Anyway, I went to the bank and went to see the child that had helped me before.  I walked in and the little thing remembered our conversation because as I approached her desk she said, “how can I help your grace?”  I said “well, you can learn to spell Duchess.”  The poor little thing turned every shade of red in the book.  When she saw that I was amused and not pissed she began to laugh as well.  I pointed out to her that these documents had gone through several people’s hands and no one had stopped and said “is that how you spell Duchess?”  She promised to expedite the new documents and made me promise not to execute her and after she found a blue sucker for the Precious, I granted a full pardon.

I know at some point this is going to wear off, but for right now I am having a lot of fun.  My hair stylist’s husband told my husband that he really didn’t think mine was an ego that needed to be fed in such a manner.  However; at that point it was too late.  The damage had been done.  The child at the bank offered to let me keep the checks.  I declined.  I can’t imagine sending those out unless I want people to think Dutchess is my first name.  I certainly don’t look Dutch.  Swiss Miss is as close as I have ever gotten to that particular area.  I would like to go, but they probably wouldn’t take a check or be impressed if my name was Dutchess with a T.  My brother-in-law has already compared me to a dead cat that shared the name, but even the cat’s name was spelled correctly.  The cat probably wouldn’t have been able to pass a check either…especially out of the country, at least I have a passport.  The passport doesn’t say Duchess or Dutchess…yet.  I will need to update that soon and have a new photo made.  Perhaps I shall wear my tiara.  My lovely Barbie tiara, and I will carry my Barbie scepter that matches.  If I had a pink Barbie fur cape to wear as well I would truly look like a Dutchess…with a T as in Mr. T.  I pity the fool who doesn’t bow down to her grace!  Or something….anyway, I am not from the Netherlands.  My title came from Britain.  I am no Dirtwater Duchess.  I am a real downtown, honest to God, dyed in the wool, Duchess.  I am trying to think of a name for our property so that I can say that I am the Duchess of blah, blah, blah.  So far, I’ve come up with things like Pear Treeless Swamp, and Toads Aplenty Mess.  Needless to say I’ve left the naming to my hubby.  Afterall, he is the one of us who has all the imagination.  Hard to believe, isn’t it? 

1 Comment »

1. 

   Suggested Estate name:
   Grand Duchy of Von Budin Budin Puddin’

   Comment by pms — April 26, 2009 @ 9:54 am

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