Last year when I was looking for class members I ventured onto facebook.  I don’t know if you are familiar with facebook or not, but it is an odd little idea.  You go on and create a profile of yourself.  You write a brief summary, interests, hobbies, lies….you get the idea.  You can add pictures if you want to, but the basic idea is that old friends and potential new friends can find you and you can catch up if you like.  According to some web news, it has become really popular especially among women in the mid forties.  I have a facebook page.  I hate it.

Here’s the thing…it takes way too much time, and it’s way too much a girl thing…in my opinion.  When I started my page I checked it daily and I answered all the little “requests”.  Now, a year later, I’m just annoyed by it.  It’s always something….so and so has sent you an easter egg, so and so has sent you a vacation request,  so and so has sent you a sasquatch.  The most recent tirade is “two of your friends think you are an idiot.”  Apparently two of the people on my “friends” list have taken an IQ test and they’ve challenged me to score higher than them.  Well a) you have to pay to take the test  b) I don’t need to take the test to know I’m and idiot  and  c) I’m still smarter than they are. 

I know these people.  I have seen their intelligence at work.  I’m not paying to take a test to prove what I already know.  Besides they posted their scores and one of them had a 113 and one of them, the brainiac scored a 120.  The last IQ test I took was a little over a year ago and I scored a 131.  Bite me, bitches!!  Actually one of them is a guy, and he has challenged my hubby too.  I’m kind of surprised the old hubby didn’t take the challenge.  He hates anyone thinking that they can better him at anything (especially smarts).  Which brings me to another point.  My husband has a facebook page.  He keeps in contact with his friends via facebook regularly.  I have like eleven friends on facebook, he has approximately 60, and most of them are female.  Yes, I’m miffed.  I have two guy friends…one is gay, and the other one might as well be…he is one of my husband’s good friends. 

Every time I log onto facebook someone is chatting with someone.  I use the phone.  Someone is sending someone some cartoon something.  It hardly seems heart felt if it is a mass produced message that anyone who is willing to pay can send to anyone anywhere in the world.  And everyone knows that everyone lies.  People put up Glamour Shots photos, or photos from that one summer that they lost 50 lbs.  They use the picture that places them in front of their rich friend’s home, or the ten year old pictures from the one decent vacation they’ve ever taken in their life.  It’s like dating on the internet, but worse because you are trying to fool several people at once. I have not hidden my disdain.  I once wrote in the blank that says “Sloopy is _____”, trying to decide if facebook is as lame as I think it is.   I think some people spend all day filling in that blank.  Really?  Is anyone vain enough to think that there is someone out there who cares what they are doing every moment of their day?  “Sloopy is obviously typing on facebook you morons.”  My photo isn’t even me, it’s my grandson.  I don’t even pretend.  If anyone sees that baby and thinks he can type all that crap and has money to send them all that junk then they deserve to have their stupid heads messed with.  So I’ve decide to rewrite my profile.  Tell me what you think.

I am thirty-esque Wiccan Goddess of short stature but wide girth who speaks first and thinks later.  I don’t do animals, and you can take that however you please.  I like to lie in my pool, ride my horse, and irritate my husband and children.  I do all of these things well.  I have even been called an expert.  I have no organizational skills.  This is one of the things I like most about me.  I either love people or I hate them.  I do not deal in gray areas.  Gray hair yes, gray areas no.  One of my biggest concerns is losing my hearing.  One of my super powers is smelling.  My eyesight is right on target. I touch who I please and spit out things that taste bad.  Life is too short to be miserable.  I have been known to eat dessert for dinner…and lunch and breakfast.  I believe you really are what you eat…so I make it my goal to only eat cute food.  I am a whore for shoes.  It is impossible to have too many.   I have bought shoes in anticipation of someday having an outfit that they would match.  I think the proper shoes can shape your destiny.  I like to have a purse to match each pair of shoes and a wallet to match each purse.  I don’t think your belt has to match your shoes or your purse but that’s mostly because I rarely tuck.  I never re-apply makeup and I don’t use hairspray.  It’s pointless because I love going topless (in my convertible) and do so whenever possible.  I don’t worry about what anyone thinks with the possible exception of my husband.  I need to know what he thinks so I can irritate him.  I think everyone should get to know me, because I am fabulous.

Yes I know it’s a bit wordy but did it make you smile?

 

3 Comments »

1. 

   Wiccan Duchess of Budin Budin Precious,
   Don’t care for facebook, myself. Twitter? Oh, don’t get me started on that - let’s just say it’s aptly named. I barely tolerate my electric pencil sharpener. Technology for techonology’s sake is superfluous just as Cream of Mushroom flavored Tide with Bleach Alternative is just a really bad way to fill a shelf at Wallyworld.
   Love to you and your worthy/unworthy minions,
   Baroness

   Comment by pms — April 24, 2009 @ 8:34 am

2. 

   Ma, of course facebook sucks. People my age have fallen into the ever growing pit of self glorification called ’social narcissism’. Many people believe that because young people these days are so celeb obsessed, they love things like facebook and twitter, because for once and maybe the only time in their lives, they are being ‘followed’ like celebrities. It’s gross and it makes me sad that it’s so common. But aren’t you proud to have a child that can spell the word ‘narcissism’?

   Comment by JLP — April 24, 2009 @ 1:20 pm

3. 

   JLP:Your spelling has always been A+. As for social narcissism, it seems that it is a condition that is affecting the middle aged far more often than the young. Did you see that your dad had a facebook page?

   Comment by admin — April 24, 2009 @ 8:48 pm

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