We are fast becoming members of the What’s Going To Go Wrong Next? club as it pertains to our home.  It seems like every time we turn around something is needing repair.  I tried to quit turning around, but that’s harder than it sounds.  I keep thinking our home is new because it was when we bought it, but the fact of the matter is it is creeping up on twenty years old.  I know that hardly makes it a stop on the scenic tour of antebellum homes, but it is old enough to have things go wrong…I should know.

The first thing that happened (at least I think it was the first) was the leaky roof.  It leaked in the theater room and in my daughter’s bedroom.  I didn’t notice the theater room until the ceiling actually started to peel and the roof started to buckle in the kitchen.  This required a drywall repairman, they are very colorful by the way…not dry at all, and more money than you would think yet not enough to file a home owner’s claim.  The leak in my daughter’s bedroom was noticed much sooner.  It happened right over her vanity and at the time she was living at home and spending quite a bit of time in front of her mirror.  Having raindrops fall on her precious head wasn’t her idea of good grooming and you can believe me when I tell you we heard about it shortly after it happened.  My husband’s idea of repairing that particular leak was to go up in the attic and put a bucket underneath it which filled and fell and warped her ceiling which still needs to be repaired, although we did repair the roof, finally.

About six months ago, I started complaining that the kitchen smelled like a basement.  It smelled musty and dank.  No one else smelled it.  Yet the smell got stronger.  I kept telling people that somewhere under the kitchen sink there was dampness.  No one else could smell it so no one paid any attention to my ravings.  Fine, I started removing all of the cleaning supplies from under the sink to see if I could find the source of the stink and as I did I noticed that all of the things in paper containers were damp.  I soldiered on and after completely cleaning the cabinet out saw that the floorboard was more warped than my sense of humor.  The last straw was the mold on the back wall.  Before I took mold and mildew cleaner to the back wall I made everyone come sniff to smell what I had been smelling and then called a plumber.  The plumber said that some piece had jarred loose from the garbage disposal and he put it back on and told me I should call the insurance company because their could be black mold under the cabinet floor.  Great!  I called the insurance…they don’t cover mold.   Super great!!  I told my husband that we would have to call someone to tear out the cabinet bottom and replace it.  He told me he could take care of it himself.  Now I am worried.  Five months (and lots of complaining later) he breaks out the floor.  The mold is non-existent but the basement smell is rampant and the concrete floor is wet.  At about this same time I notice that the silverware to the right of the sink is beading with sweat during the day.  I am smart enough to know that there is moisture under the sink coming from somewhere.   I start moving all the things that can be affected by moisture away from the splash zone and find that it is hot behind the kitchen drawers and there is a standing puddle of water.  While all this is going on, my husband is out of town.  When he comes home, he notices the smell I’ve been smelling for six months and has a cow and calls the plumber again who notices (now) that the hot water heater has been over flowing and draining hot water outside which had backed up and flowed back into the house.  (Did you catch the part at the start where I smelled this six months ago?  Sheesh!)

 The pool drained over the winter last year.  It still has a star in the shallow end. The heater went out during the real cold spell we had just after the ice storm.  The air conditioning is out now.  The A/C unit is the one we replaced just last summer.  There is a crack in the ceiling where my hubby stepped off one of the beams in the attic and cracked it.   The carpet has developed a hump.  The tile in front of the fireplace is cracked where the painting above it fell a few years ago and cracked it ( the painting was destroyed).  I dare not even think of all the things that are lurking in the shadows waiting to go wrong.   I still look at the ceiling when it rains.  I check under the sink when I use the garbage disposal.  I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I don’t usually have to wait too long.   Like right now the A/C dude just walked in and told me that he can’t find the leak in the air conditioner.  He has it up and running right now, but it will go out again  (probably late on a Friday in the hottest part of summer) and he’s added something to it that will leave a trace when it leaks.  There’s nothing to do now but wait.  I suggested something…replacing the whole effing unit!  I’m beginning to wonder if there was anything wrong with the unit we replaced last year.  It was doing this same thing and they said it had a leak.  Why do all air conditioners for this particular area of the house leak?  Perhaps they are all post-menopausal.  I just wish I cold stick a panty shield under the air conditioner and solve the problem. 

 You are taught to believe all of the cliches about all of the crap life hands you…if life gives you lemons make lemonade, it’s always darkest before the dawn, and which you reach rock bottom there’s no where to go but up.  Bull crap!!  There are such things as bad lemons that won’t make lemonade, eclipses, and plains that are flat for miles and miles before you get to start up again.  You don’t lose hope of course, but sometimes it brings to mind that other wise saying…sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is and oncoming train.

 

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