…And it came to pass on May 12th, 1951 my second sister was born.  Yup, another blessed blond cherub to grace the manse.  (If you think I haven’t wondered why I was the only daughter born dark-haired and in February, you’re wrong.) Three lovely May born daughters every three years and an auburn locked lass six years after the last in February.  Good thing I had my father’s blue eyes.  And no, he was not a salesman who only came home in August.  Anyway, back to the subject at hand…my second sister and her birthday.  She’s 58, by the way.  Compared to the oldest sister she’s young, not as young as me, but young. 

This is the crazy sister.  You never know what she’ll do.  Yes, I’m the mouth.  You never know what I’ll say, but this one…she’s a wild card.  I swear I think she surprises herself sometimes.  I tried to find out if maybe it was something medical that had removed her filters.  I found out that she had a motorcycle wreck when she was young, and apparently some gravel was embedded in her head.  Yes, she had rocks in her head.  Eureka!!  I was certain I had found the cause, but alas, it seems the doctors had removed the rocks before they could do any real damage.  I asked mom if she took drugs or drank during her pregnancy.  Her response wasn’t pretty.  I looked through some old photo albums trying to find a clue.  I not only found a clue, I found the answer.  My oldest sister choked my second sister at every photo op.  Each time these two are in a photo together, I would say from ages 2 until 8, my oldest sister has her younger sibling around the neck.  It must have been painful because my second sister is bawling her eyes out in each and every photo.  I think this continual deprivation of oxygen caused her to go a little loopy.  All of the nieces and nephews loved it.  She was just like one of them.  Now that we have great nieces and nephews it just continues on.  She is still just one of the kids.  Of course it helps that she is only a little over four feet tall. 

When I was young, this was the sister I looked up to.  She was the oldest sister living at home that I remember.  She had long hair and cat eye glasses.  I remember when she was a Color’s Day maid in high school.  I couldn’t have been very old, but she had to have a formal and I thought she was gorgeous!  I wanted to grow up and be just like her.  I grew up…I had long hair, but by the time I got my glasses they were wire framed granny glasses.  She’s still pretty hot (for an old broad).  When she was dating my brother-in-law I would spy on them. (I was four when they started dating so he’s more like a brother to me.) I am sure I was a real pain in the ass.  I remember running to mom and dad and alerting them to every kiss.  It was so yucky!  The only thing I really remember about her moving out was that I finally got my own room.

This is the sister who pierced my ears.  I was eight.  She used a clothes pin, some alcohol,  and a needle.  I don’t think I was her first victim.  It seems like she had already punctured several other relatives.  Our parents had gone some where and she asked if I wanted my ears pierced.  Hello?  I was eight!  The clothes pin was put on my delicate lobes to deaden them.  The alcohol was used to sanitize the needle and my ears, and the needle hurt like an m’er f’er!  My ears were pierced so low and crooked that it was years before I could wear large earrings, and then only because I got brave and had them re-pierced professionally.  I am pretty sure my mother was pissed.  This is also the sister who told me about sex.  I was stunned!  I believe I was also eight when this happened (Eight was a big year for me.)  I couldn’t believe my parents had done that five times!  I knew my mother hadn’t liked it!  Thank goodness they had finally had all the children they wanted so they could quit.  Yet another little tidbit this sister shared with me during my year of information…what a tampon was for.  Double Yuck!!  I could never really look at my mother or sisters the same way.  Who knew how many of these bitches were walking around with bloody trash in them at any given time.  Thanks so much for all the knowledge.

 While the oldest sister found a profession and stuck with it, this sister tried different things.  She lived in different places.  She (OMG!) frosted her hair!  She wore short, shorts and high heels.  I can’t even begin to go into all of the shocking things she did.  We were raised Baptist for goodness sake!  She drove a car so big she had to sit on pillows to be able drive it.  She wore coffee on her head…I would try to explain, but you really need to hear it from her.   She will be the first one in the play room to play with the kids.  She will argue with them about who’s turn it is and get just as loud as any of them.  And…Please, don’t give her a musical instrument or ask her to sing…because she will…God help us she will!  She knows the words to too many songs, and she knows songs about everything.  If she doesn’t know a song about something she will make it up, and that would be fine if she could carry a tune, and even that might be okay if she wasn’t so damned loud!!  God love her!!   When I was little I wanted to do everything as well as she did.  Let me tell you, last week she came up to give mom her mother’s day present.  While she was there she helped me hang a few things, curtains, pictures, and such, on the walls.  I was using a laser level and an electric screw driver to get the job done.  My sister took over when my arm got tired.  She gleefully mentioned that my brother-in-law doesn’t let her play with his tools. (I know why now.) The laser level light was becoming difficult to see so my sister decided to hang the curtains using a yardstick.  Well, she forgot what she had measured on the left side and hung the right side differently, so the curtains were crooked and needed to be rehung.  Then I learned why my brother-in-law doesn’t let her use his electric screw driver.  She poked several holes in the walls.  That day I learned that there is something I do better than my second sister…I’m a better screwer. (Shh…don’t speak!!!!) 

She’s a good old soul.  She will hopefully laugh when she reads this, and just in case she doesn’t…I’m not answering my phone.  She would do anything in the world she could for any one of us.  It’s hard to think of her as my big sister when she’s so little, but she is.  She’s real big in her own mind, and she’s going to be a legend for years to come.  There will always be stories of remember when she….and can you believe she…..and as long as breath flows in and out of our lungs.  Those stories will be embellished until you won’t be able to tell the truth from fiction.  Like this: remember the time she rode the tractor out into the field  stark naked except for the straw hat and got really badly sunburned, because she was pretending she was a modern day Lady Godiva?…and nonsense like that.  Don’t worry sis, I’ve just made sure that you will live as long as computer blogs live.  You are indeed legendary.   Not bad for an eighty year old broad…huh?  Happy Birthday!!

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