I won’t receive any gifts today.  I should, but I won’t.  It’s not a matter of my being greedy.  It’s just that for years I was mother and father both to my kids.  Before Boppy came on the scene, I was a married single parent.  I took the kids fishing, to the movies, taught my middle child how to pitch, taught my older son how to take a hit in baseball, and taught my daughter how to be sweet as sugar or a total bitch depending on what the situation requires.  What I am saying is that my children were always with me.  Where ever the sperm donor went he went alone.  That was his choice.  I really didn’t mind, and I understood not wanting to hang out with him.  I really, really got it.  When we were first separated the kids would try to make him so miserable he would bring them back to me.  It worked at first, then he just insisted they stay with him, miserable or not.  Anyway, once he had to be with them solo, (every other weekend) he did better.  He still didn’t know how to handle them at home, but he would take them places and make an attempt.  For his lame efforts, I took the children to buy him a father’s day card every year, and some kind of gift, which I let them pick out.  Every mother’s day I gladly accepted whatever the children had made at school and knew that he would not have taken them shopping.

Well they are older know and they take great care of me on Mother’s Day.  I am not complaining about that or Mother’s day in general.  I am complaining about the fact that there is no holiday for Mothers who have played both parental roles.  You can’t even find a card for such a thing.  And because so many parents who have played both roles have a spouse somewhere, their children just automatically send a card or gift to the inactive parent.

I don’t blame the kids.  I blame society and the card manufacturers.  Especially the card people, because this whole day was conceived of by them in an effort to have at least 3 more days that people would be compelled to buy a card (at least).  Mother’s day, Father’s day, Grandparent’s day…I am just waiting for Aunt & Uncle’s day,  Cousins day, and everyone’s favorite…”I never met you and will never know you, but thanks for putting your anonymous junk in a cup” day.

My kids are great.  They have turned out to be super adults.  We never speak on the phone that they don’t say “I love you”.  The ones who are close by say I love you at every visit.  My daughter, who is currently living at home, says I love you several times a day.  I never feel neglected…until Father’s day when my stupid ex is accepting some card or gift and all the accolades for being a great dad when he wasn’t.  I never have like when anyone took credit for something I had done, and I still don’t.  I don’t mind Boppy receiving the kids cards or gifts, he entered their lives when they were quite young and has been a very positive role model for them.  He has taken all of them off by himself on several occasions and the kids couldn’t love him more if his DNA ran through their veins.  He has been a spectacular step-dad.  That is part of the reason we don’t have any second parent animosity.  My kids have never screamed at the top of their lungs “you’re not my dad!” because he has never given them a reason to.

I am all for all the wonderful, attentive, loving dads out there getting their kudos.  I just think that all of the mother’s who took over and handled the job duties of both should receive a little pat on the back too.  So:

Happy Father’s Day Mom

You were there when Dad was not.

You cleaned the fish that I had caught.

You marked my height as I grew.

You were the only parent I knew.

You always do whatever I ask,

and in this knowledge I do bask.

You were only missing Mr. Winky,

but my love for you isn’t dinky.

So Happy Father’s Day to my mom,

and my I say you are “The Bomb”!

p.s. Happy Father’s Day Daddy.  I miss you more every day.

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