I forgot about the insomnia.  I have awoken at 5:30 a.m. for the last two mornings.  That wouldn’t be a problem if I went back to sleep, but that particular joy elludes me.  Did anyone ever mention that insomnia goes with menopause before I actually was experiencing it?  Hell no!  After it started I heard a chorus of “Oh yeah, the insomnia is the worst.”  Thanks a lot.  I know that having known about it wouldn’t have changed anything, but at least I wouldn’t have thought I was defective.

At first I stayed in bed thinking that sleep would come eventually.  Now I get up and read, or play on the computer…I have even been known to do some housework.  That’s how bad it is.  You will do just about anything to have the tiredness wash over you.  It will too.  Just as soon as you need to be awake and alert, the tiredness will hit you like a ton of bricks.  There is nothing quite like nodding off while you are driving down the road.  I have always said  that cars make me sleepy.  Normally that isn’t a problem, but when you are the driver the whole scenario changes.  To borrow a joke from whomever came up with it “I want to die the way my grandfather did…quietly in my sleep.  Not screaming like the other passengers in the car.”  Well if you experience insomnia…don’t drive.  It’s just not wise.  This is the once scenario in which insomnia is life threatening.  It threaten your life and the lives of everyone else on the road.

Insomnia sucks.  I can’t say it is the worse symptom of menopause.  There are so many sucky symptoms of menopause it would be hard to pick the worst.  I can’t even begin to name them all.  Many of them were attributed to other things.  Fever, incontinence, becoming a werewolf…yes the extra facial hair can make you wonder if at some point you were actually able to sleep and then had the misfortune to be bitten by a werewolf.   Don’t look for bite marks.  You won’t find any.  Just look for a hair removal system that works for you.

There are good things about menopause, and as soon as I find out what they are I will report on them as well.   I know that some women think it is the inability to have children (I would probably go with that one except for the fact that I had a tubal many years ago).  Others think that the inability to have children decreases their feminine appeal.  I would not be with a man who looked up me as a brood mare, and I am an effin’ fertility Goddess.  I don’t understand why anyone would want to have a child in their late 40’s or 50’s.  I am too tired to look after myself, let alone deal with the activity of a toddler.  Don’t get me wrong, I love The Precious but after a couple of hours of nonstop two-ness I am ready for an alcoholic beverage and a nap.

So tonight when I go to sleep I will combat the insomnia with the help of pharaceuticals, and believe me I have a few.  In addition to my usual concoction of pain killers and muscle relaxers I will add a prescription sleep aid.  I try not to use it too frequently, I am afraid I will become addicted.  However, after two or three nights of sleeplessness I gladly open that bottle.  I’m no saint and I have never claimed to be.  For now however, I am going to slap on some sunscreen and go lie in the pool.  I will probably have a nap while I am out there.  Hey, sleep if you can, right?  It’s not like I will be driving while I am out there. 

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