Why do weeds flourish where flowers don’t?  As you’ll recall I recently blogged about doing the yard work.  It is not something I live for.  The yard is almost finished now…the honeysuckle vines have been trimmed back and the trees have been pruned (I mean tree…we only have the one).  I watered the petunias last night and noticed that it is already time to weed.  The height of the petunias hasn’t changed one iota, but the weeds are ready to take over the beds.

I try to approach weeding in the same fashion that I approach plucking my eyebrows.  If you check everyday for strays and pluck the offending hairs each day you don’t have to spend a lot of time in pain from the plucking.  So, each time I walk out into the yard I stoop and pluck all the little weeds and nut grass that I can find.  This works with my eyebrows, but weeds don’t adhere to the same growth policy.  They can absolutely take over the yard in the space of one night.  It is ridiculous.   One of the weeds that loves our yard has a huge but shallow root system.  It starts with a center that looks like a spider web and then it sends tendrils shooting out from that.  Luckily when you start to pull it up it comes easily and it looks like you’ve done a lot of work because it covers so much territory.  Unfortunately, it grows right back.  I swear if I had the time to watch I could actually see these things grow, no time lapse photography required.

Our yard (especially the back) consists of tree shoots the squirrels planted, honeysuckle that I planted years ago that has taken over the fence and a considerable part of the yard, nut grasses, and dandelions.  It is impossible to pull all the weeds.  If I did we wouldn’t have a yard.  Of course, we cut way back on yard when we installed the in ground pool.  We further diminished the green by pouring a basketball court.  If the hubby has his way the remainder will soon be home to a putting green.  Don’t tell him, but if he thinks I have done all this stinking yard work so he can spend hours out back putting he has lost his effin’ mind.  First of all, he won’t maintain it,  secondly, when would he ever find time to be out there?  He spends every daylight waking hour on the real golf course.  Lastly,  my daughter and I have decided to plant a vegetable garden in the area that used to house the pear trees.  As for the rest of it, I’m thinking rocks…a lot of rocks.  I know they will grow well back there, because they already do.  They won’t require mowing.  In fact the only problem with rocks will be The Precious throwing them in the pool and at the house.

One additional problem with the yard work is the fact that I can only work out there from about 7:00 p.m. until dark.  I can’t tolerate the heat like I used to.  Since there are no trees out there the sun just beats you down.  If I am in the pool with my big old sun hat on I can manage, but out there working in the sun gives me a migraine.  Here’s the real clincher though…we have lawn people who come by and treat our yard for weeds and nut grasses.  I pay them every month for their services, and then take a margarita out back and cry over the sad state of things.  I mean, if the pros can’t make a pretty yard happen what chance do I have?  You know the old joke…my  chances are somewhere between slim and nun…and Slim is out of town and the nun is cloistered. 

Oh well, The Precious is having his birthday party on Saturday and after that the yard can go back to hell where it came from.  After Boppy found a snake out there I pretty much lost interest in the tallest weeds anyway.  There is a pile of wood out back where Boppy either built something and had left over wood, or where he thought he was going to build something and that just didn’t happen.  Either way I would like to see that go, but I’m not going to be the fool that moves it.  Are you kidding?  If I bent down to pick up a board and the wind shifted or (God forbid) I saw any…ANY movement I would mess myself, and I don’t think anyone would volunteer to change my pants.  Of course that is assuming that the heart attack wouldn’t kill me.  We plan on taking the last of the dead leaves and vines to the mulching place on Friday…I plan on doing as little of the lifting as possible, because the other problem with yard work is…It hurts!   I’m old, arthritic, grumpy and sore.  The less I have to do at this point is just about enough. 

The bottom line is when I say the yard work is done, I mean until next year.  Maintenance is not my forte.  I will make it look as nice as possible for now, and then let it go again until next year just like I always do.  Then next year when it looks just as hideous as it did this year I can bitch and moan about it again. 

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