My mom’s birthday is Sunday.  She’ll be 78.  I called her yesterday to tell her I had bought a brisket for Sunday dinner and ask what type of cake she would like.  Immediately she went into a diatribe that included “you don’t need to do that.  You don’t feel up to it.  It’s just another day in the life of Riley.”  And my favorite, “Don’t get me anything.”

Every year for as long as I can remember my mother has said “now, don’t get me anything” when we speak of her birthday.  She knows we will get her something.  And it doesn’t matter what we get her it will be “too much”.  She will fuss much more than we will about her birthday.  She will carry on like you can’t imagine, but love every minute of it.

Now here’s my question…Why?  I did it too for awhile.  When my kids first went off on their own and they would ask what I wanted for birthdays, mother’s day, and such I would give them the standard, “you don’t need to get me anything.”  Then I realized that  is unfair.  They are sincerely asking for help with their shopping.  So I have started to give them lists.  I try for manageable lists that contain items within their price range.  I have come to realize that they are going to shop for me anyway so I might as well get things I would like to have.  Most recently I got a charm bracelet for my birthday.  It is precious.  It is not your typical old charm bracelet.  It is very modern with adorable charms on it.    For Mother’s day I got a new charm.  They now have something they can add to for each holiday.  I love it, and I think they do too.

I don’t think it’s rude.  I know about rude.  I certainly have seen and had my share.  I think it is just being realistic.  Rude would be asking for things that are expensive and giving them no options.  I would love just once to have my mom say, “I would like to have a new short set for my birthday.  I need a size ten.  I would like it to be a scoop neck, with short or no sleeves, and medium length shorts.”  I would be so happy to go to the mall with that list.  It would make life so much easier.   However, I don’t have any such thing going for me.  I simply have, “now, don’t get me anything.”

So sometime this week I will be going to the mall in search of a present that is very mother…something that gets harder every year.  I will search through an array of old lady clothing she doesn’t need, in search of something she will love.  Knowing full well, all the while that no matter what I get she is going to say she loves it.  She may never wear it.  It may hang in her closet until her dying day, but she will say that she absolutely loves it.  I am sometimes tempted to get her something that is so far out of her comfort zone it would challenge her to say that she loved it.  You know something like a wildly flowered muumuu.  I have considered an African printed caftan, maybe that would shake her up.  I won’t though.  I will do just as I said.  Shop.  Clean and simple.  I know my sister’s are in the same boat.

The other trick is the card.  It has to be either funny, but simple enough not to hurt her feelings.  Or mushy, but not to the point of making her cry in front of everyone.  This has been much harder since dad passed away.  It doesn’t take much to make her cry anymore.  I will probably go for funny.  It is more my style.  I can bet that at least one of the other three will go for mushy.

Anyway, Sunday is my mother’s birthday and we will celebrate.  There will be gifts and their will be family and things will happen as they happen.  Even if it is “just another day in the life of Riley.”

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