I’m sorry I have kept you waiting so long for another blog, but I have had some issues.  Some have since been resolved and some are hanging on.  I know after the last blog you might have been concerned that I had committed suicide.  Nothing that juicy.  Too many celebraties are dropping right now for me to get the attention I deserve so I am hanging on.

Anyway, to one of my issues (actually it’s two)…I have a growth on my foot that is disguised as a blister.  This thing woke up with me on Thursday of last week.  One is just below the nail on my big toe, and then almost connected to it is a blister poser that looks like a small lake.  Now here’s the thing.  I didn’t do anything to cause these blisters.  I haven’t worn shoes that rubbed right there.  I haven’t burned my toes.  I would know these things.  Yet, here I sit looking at the twin peaks perched on my toe.

I know not to pop blisters.  I’ve been telling my children that for years.  You don’t pop blisters.  The skin beneath a blister is raw and painful.  If you pop the blister that skin will be exposed and can get infected.  See I know all that crap, but the thing that is keeping me from popping the blisters is simple.  They hurt now and I don’t think they are going to feel all that much better if I pop them.  So I baby this foot and keep all sharp objects away.

Here’s the other thing…they are growing.  When I woke up on Thursday morning I noticed these little pin sized bubbles and thought that I should probably wear shoes that wouldn’t rub them.  I chose flip-flops.  By the end of the day I had two blisters about the size of a dime.  Friday I woke up with one that was a little larger than a dime and one the size of a quarter.  By Saturday, no one could believe how large these blisters were and today they are ridiculous.  I told Boppy we need to take a picture because no one would believe how big these suckers are.

Everyone has a theory about what caused them.  The overall favorite is a bug bite.  The only bug I know that creates blisters is a (surely you can guess) Blister Bug.  I am fairly certain that I did not have a blister bug in bed with me on Wednesday night.  I think that I would have more to show for it if I had.  In addition, Boppy hasn’t got so much as a pimple anywhere on his body.  Now, I suppose it’s possible that an irritated blister bug jumped in bed with me, did his thing and crawled out without being recognized. (It wouldn’t be the first time some vermin crawled into my bed and did his thing and left without waking me up) I haven’t found him anywhere.  There is another theory that I wore shoes that rubbed these blisters on my feet on Wednesday, and then went to sleep only to wake up malformed.  I do take pain meds during the day.  I have never pretended that I don’t.  However; I don’t have anything strong enough to numb me to the point of not feeling the irritation that would cause these blisters.  I have received blisters from ill-fitting shoes or extremely long walks and I knew well before the blisters actually occured that I was going to have them.  Here is my theory.  I have taken so much crap for so many illnesses that my body is now producing acid and I am blistering from the inside out.  It’s like internal combustion but not to the point of flame…only to the point of extreme blisters.

I do wish my dears that you could see these mammoth blisters.  They look like very small mountain climbers should be along the front slope.  Sometimes I think I can feel their little hooks at the end of their tiny ropes piercing my skin.  Then I feel them digging their hands into non-existent hand holds.  They have no chance of reaching the summit because everyday it flattens more and spreads out to cover more area.  You know,  now that I think about it, it’s more like a liquid glacier.   Yes, I know that technically all glaciers are liquid but I also know that when we think of them we think of them as solid “ice” floes.  My blisters, however; are very gooshy liquid.  They feel really weird if I should happen to run my hand across them.  If that happens though, it is completely accidental because touching them hurts like hell!  I hesitate to wash them in the shower because of the pain.  My mother thinks I should contact the doctor because of the size of these things and the pain they cause.  I refuse to call our family doctor over a couple of blisters.  I know how to care for blisters (see the paragraph about not popping).

I suppose these creepy creatures adorning my feet could be the world’s smallest case of small pox.  Do you see the humor there? Small case of small pox?  Oh well, I was vaccinated with the other middle aged people in existence so I feel that small pox is out of the question.  I am still baffled by these things on my big toe.  I only have so many pairs of shoes that they don’t touch when I put them on.  You know like maybe 50 or so, only because flip-flops count.  So if you have any ideas about what this might be let me know.  You know, if I am not only one who woke up on morning and by the end of the day Vesuvius was on her big toe, share your ordeal and let me know how it all comes out in the end.  Other than that I will just have to keep you posted.  I do this as a personal favor.  You too could wake to ever growing gelatinous masses on your feet.  Wait, I saw this in a movie…it’s The Blob!

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