Well, it has happened…Boppy and I have sold our souls to Jenny Craig.  Tuesday morning dawned as many other mornings, at noon.  Boppy determined it was time to seek dieting help (I have been ready for awhile) so off we went to our local Jenny Craig office and saw our counselor…Anita.  As happens so often at offices that promise miracles, Anita was a tiny little thing who could probably eat chocolate cheesecake twice a day and never gain a pound.  Now I intend to follow this program like a disciple following his God, but it is hard to take dietary advice from a woman who has a part-time job as a coat rack. 

We didn’t have to listen to the spiel as much as some, because we did the Jenny Craig program about seven years ago.  For me it was successful.  For Boppy it was almost successful.  He made his halfway goal, but when I quit he quit.  You see that is the other thing, when “we” diet I do all the work.  He sits down at the table like a restaurant patron and waits for me to serve him.  His biggest question about his diet plan is “what else can I eat”.  It is my job to know the answer to that question. “Well you have two fruits left so I guess the obvious answer is some fruit.”  “What do we have?”  “We have grapes, nectarines, cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and apples.”  “I guess I’ll have….”  Which means he is not going to get up and get it because why would he bother to tell me what he was going to have unless he wanted me to make sure he has it.  Yesterday he asked me to bring him a diet coke….and some fruit….and whatever snack he was due for.  When I asked why he couldn’t get it himself, he said he was on the computer.  I gave in and got him all of his crap and when I came back I found out that his “on the computer” was actually a game of spider solitaire.  When I called him on it, he didn’t even have the grace to act guilty.  He just looked at me like “yes, and your point is?”

 This brings me to my Valerie Bertinelli reference…the only way you can get excited about a diet program (any diet program) is if you are being paid to be excited about it.  She talks about how great the food is…well it is okay, but not great.  Some things are better than others.  The chicken fettuccine is not bad for a frozen entree.  The cheese curls are borderline gross.  The first few weeks are pretty rigid.  If it is on the weekly list of foods you must consume it.  Later on you can replace items as you wish.  Let me tell you, it is hard to get excited about Salisbury steak in general, but frozen, icky Salisbury steak takes a paycheck to get you salivating.  Miss Valerie bounces out in a bikini and announces how all of that was possible with Jenny Craig and fat chicks everywhere decide that Jenny Craig is for them.  I am all for motivation, but Miss Valerie was motivated by money.  She not only gets paid, she gets the food for free.  She has a personal trainer to help her achieve that body.  Boppy and I shelled out about $300 for a week’s worth of food, and my personal trainer will be me (so fat chance that is going to work).

There is another issue that this whole diet brings to the fore front.  The amount of food you are given to eat.  I have a hard time eating everything on the menu.  I am on the 1200 calorie program.  I eat about every two hours.  I have to think about it all the time.  It is constant.  Boppy’s big worry is that there won’t be enough food to keep him full.  He is on the 2300 calorie program.  He also eats about every two hours.  The difference is he normally doesn’t eat much until around 8:00 p.m.  Then he eats until he goes to bed.  On this program you eat about every two hours and you don’t really change that as it gets closer to bed time.  In fact, they recommend that you don’t eat anything for two hours before bed.  That is peak eating time for him.  He’ll do it though, because I am making sure he does.

I’ll keep you informed of how things go.  Between us we need to lose about 100 pounds.  At an average of 1-2 pounds per week we will be awhile.  It should give me blogging material for about the next year.  Hopefully, other more exciting things will happen so you won’t have to listen to 365 days of dieting.  If you do have to endure that be warned that at first there will be whining about how hard it is to diet, and in the end there will be whining about how hard it is to lose those final pounds.  In short, there will be whining.  Just a little something to look forward to…because no one does it better than I.