I was shopping the other day, feeling good about myself, the day…life in general.  Then I went to check out.  The woman at the register looked to be in her mid 50’s or so (not that I commented).  I wrote a check, and the woman asked for my driver’s license.  I handed it to her, and she exclaimed “Oh my goodness!  I would never have guessed you were that old.”…good so far, right? But then she went on, “you sure look good for your age.”  I was stunned for a moment.  What exactly did that mean?  I look good for my age?  In effect she was saying that if I were ten years younger I would look like hell.  At what particular age would I look wretched?  Did I look good for 40?  How about 35?  More importantly, why would anyone say such a thing?  I had an aunt who used to say “You just don’t look like yourself!” when you changed anything about your look.  I always wondered how she recognized me if I didn’t look like myself.  Who the hell did I look like?  This backhanded compliment was sort of the same thing.  Why couldn’t she just say “you sure look good” and let it go at that.  The sales chick went on to say, “I would have guessed you were around my age.”  I felt I had been slapped.  I would have guessed she was MY age!  I was torn between two stinging retorts…1) “Hell, I look good for YOUR age!” and 2) “Listen you gross, unimaginative, minimum wage earning piece of crap…You look good for your age is not a compliment.  I hope you die a painful death!”  Obviously, I didn’t go with either of those.  I said ” gee thanks” with a sort of smart ass emphasis on gee,  and went on about my business.  Stewing with every step.

I have decided that there are certain things that no one should be allowed to say or assume as related to age.

1. (No duh?) “You look good for your age.”

2) “Is that your mother/father?”

3) “Is that your son/daughter?”

4) “When you get to be our age….”

5) “Is that your grandchild?”

6) “Did you read in the AARP magazine….”

7) “My mom/dad is about your age.”

See any reference to age can be misconstrued.  You can’t assume that some old man with some young woman is having dinner with his grand-daughter.  You can’t ask some older woman with a baby if that is her grandchild.  Not so long ago I was wrestling with my son and he sat on top of me.  When he rolled off to the side my knee cap dislocated.  We were able to put it back in place, but I had to wear a knee brace for quite some time.  During this time my husband and I went out to dinner.  The hostess asked me what had happened  to my knee.  I told her “I was wrestling with my son and my knee cap was dislocated.”  She looked at my husband and said, “did you do that to your mom?”  I calmly pointed out that she was speaking to my husband.  Not one to let a dead dog lie, she said “Wow, he looks lots younger than you!”  To which, my curt response was “he is.  I am one lucky woman.”  My husband thought this was a lot funnier than I did.  The stupid hostess made an assumption.  And you know what they say about assuming things.

I think political correctness is a load of crap, but I don’t think being sensitive is the same thing at all.  I am a middle aged woman.  I know that.  I don’t need someone else pointing that out to me.  In fact, middle aged might be generous.  I may not live to be 98.  I suppose some people would think the chatty little sales person paid me a compliment.  I think she needs a reality check.  Compliments should be simple.  I love your hair, dress, shoes, and so on.  She could have just said “I never would have guessed your age.”  Done.  K.I.S.S.  Then I would have respond just as simply, “thank you.”  Had that been the scenario I wouldn’t have had witty retorts swirling around in my head.  I only hope the mouth breather reads this.  Maybe then she will learn.