I have made an observation.  Recently we had the joy of attending two family weddings.  Both  were lovely, one was extravagant and the other was simplistic and beautiful.  The first was in a Methodist church that could have easily passed for a British cathedral of olde, and the other was an outdoor wedding at The Botanical Gardens surrounded by the flowers and trees that the Botanical Gardens are known for.  They were very different, but they had two things in common…first, the two couples were obviously in love, secondly, they had cake. The two weddings had a total of four cakes.  One for the bride…this is the traditional multi-layered confection that everyone ooohs and ahhhhs over (but looks much better than it tastes), and a smaller cake that is less extravagant but usually a lot tastier than the bride’s cake. 

Now here is my observation…cake is associated with celebratory events.  If you are having a birthday, getting married, having a bat or bar-mitzvah things of that nature you will find a cake.  If there is a somber event like a funeral you will find pie.  My question is…who decided?  If a brightly decorated “So Sorry You’re Dead” cake appeared at a funeral would you think that was in poor taste?  If it was frosted in black and just had the decedent’s name, birth date, and date of death on it…it would still be creepy.  A pie, however, doesn’t have to say anything, it is understood.  Pie doesn’t have to have words on it to say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.  I know you won’t feel like cooking for a while.  You may not feel like eating a meal, but here’s a pie.”  I know when my father passed away one of the neighbors brought us a pie.  One of the neighbors brought some brownies.  No one brought cake.  I like pie.  I don’t pick the restaurant according to how good their pie is, but I’m just not that old yet.  I have a sister who thinks pie is its own food group.  Anyway, I digress.  I like pie just fine.  I happen to like cake better. 

I have a theory.  It’s easy to find a frozen pie.  It’s not as expensive as cake is if you choose to buy one at the bakery.  I think the gift givers give pie because it is easy and inexpensive.  If you are having a cake (according to my theory) everyone is alive and well.  You will go to all of the trouble of baking and frosting and writing and all of that jazz because the person you care about will be there, front and center.  It takes time.  You really need to plan for a cake in advance.  With pie, you can keep one in the freezer and just pull it out when someone gets dead.  An hour later, you have a gift for the family and you look like a hero.  “Oh look, a pie!  Thank you so much for thinking of us.”  If you show up with a cake, it’s probably not going to happen on the date that you first heard of the death.  Unless you buy one at the bakery, and I have never had a bakery cake that tasted anywhere near as good as homemade from scratch.  So chances are (if someone shows up with a cake) they have prepared it well in advance and it has been frozen, (to give you an idea of how bad frozen cake is…think about that top layer of wedding cake that you froze and then ate on your first anniversary) or they have known for awhile that your loved one was going to die and they have been baking a cake every few days just in case you needed it.  You’ve got to admit, the creep factor goes way up when you think about that particular scenario.

I could take the wisdom of this observation and use it to my advantage.  How?  Well I could just tell everyone to put on their big girl panties and get over it.  Be glad you got the pie and shut up.  If you know me, you know shutting up is never the option I would go for.  I have a different plan in mind.  It’s going to require a big freezer and a lot of time, but I believe it is possible to bake a decent cake and freeze it.  Then you have (pardon the pun) killed to birds with one stone.  And for those of you who are thinking…”she forgot about Bundt cake.”  Please!  Bundt cake isn’t a real cake.  It is an out of control muffin.  Cake has frosting.  In our house, the frosting has some cake on it.  Don’t be waltzing in here with your bundt cake.  Life is just too short to eat cake without frosting.  If you do that I am going to know you went for the easy and cheap.  Give me a triple layer chocolate cake with buttercream vanilla frosting, and when I’m dead give it to my family.  They are going to be missing me so much they’re gonna need a little spirit lifting cake.  And for God’s sake…give some to the people who are taking care of my poor, pitiful, misused body.  Do that for me, because I want them to treat it right.  The only other request I have is one that you may not think I would like.  Close the lid!