I know, my darlings, that I have been more than lax in my blogging.  I know that you must miss my interesting insights, mind mindful musings, and of course the colorful colloquial cynicism of a true Southern Belle.  I have missed writing and relieving myself of the crap in my head too.  So, dear ones I am going to attempt to enlighten you as to what has been going on, without betraying any confidences.  As we say in the south, “we keep our crazy at home.” 

My pain levels have been higher than ever, and I have spent many days without the energy to do  much more than read my emails.  Of course that leaves the house looking like it was flat bed trucked up from New Orleans’ hurricane Katrina’s most devastated area.  It’s a mess.  There are toys all over the den.  The plants are droopier than my boobs.  The kitchen would only pass inspection from someone previously homeless…and let’s just say the cleanest bathroom is out beside the tool shed out back.  There is crime scene tape across the bottom of the stairs warning people that going upstairs could be hazardous to their health.  Are you getting the picture?  The only reason I climb the stairs is to get more pain medicine or lie down. It hurts far too much to either climb or descend those 13 monsters, and I choose to do it as few times as possible.

Now normally by this time our house is decked to the halls and more.  I normally put Christmas trees in every room with each being a different theme.  This year we will be lucky to get up one tree and stockings.  Neither my hubby or myself have the Christmas spirit.  Luckily, I started buying Christmas in August so the shopping is done and the gifts are wrapped.  Thank God.  I do have to say that many more presents are in gift bags this year than ever before.  I would like to personally thank whoever came up with that particular idea.  The things is, wrapping presents used to be my thing.  I never wrapped with visible tape.  I used two sided tape or glue dots.  I handmade all the bows and each and every package had ribbon, and/or candy canes and accessories.  This year I bought store ribbon.  Those plain old boring bows that say, “hey, I bought you a gift so shut up already.”  That’s kind of how I feel too.   “Look, be glad I felt okay in August.  I’m sorry you didn’t get what you wanted when you sent me your gift list in December, but sometimes life just sucks.  If you need details ask me.”

I know you must be thinking, “crap, what is wrong with her.”  Well as soon as I find out I will let you know.  I have seen a new rheumatologist.  He has drained me of all my previous blood in an attempt to find out what the hell is wrong.  He x-rayed me from head to toe, and did a physical exam that was part uncomfortable, and part inquisition.  Once again I will tell you that I have tested  positive for rheumatoid arthritis.  I have all of the physical symptoms, but none of the joint disfigurement.  “Great,” you’re thinking, but as they say on late night television….but wait!  There’s more!!  I also have osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia.  To all of that add being allergic  to everything God created, and having asthma.  I’m effing sick all the effing time.  Now, making lemonade from lemons…just let me say I don’t believe I have anything that will kill me.  I do, however, have things that can make me wish they would. My hubby is a candidate for sainthood. (That’s a big fat lie, but he might read this) He puts up with all of my whining.  He keeps taking my ever enlarging ass to doctor’s appointments.  He picks up my medication.  He has almost quit asking me to play golf or go anywhere with him.  He never complains about my complaints.  He goes with me to each doctor’s appointment.  We travel from specialist to specialist with nothing but mood music and a crossword puzzle.  The mood is usually the blues, by the way.  I have travelled all over Arkansas.  That is the only state our insurance covers.  I could be dying and have a doctor in California with a cure and BC/BS would be like “tough shit.  Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes your the bug.”  For this we pay them a huge amount of money and our deductible is so high you really can see Russia from it.  We will meet our deductible on or about the 31st of December.  Yee-haw.

My New Year’s resolution is too blog more.  At least three times a week.  Let me warn you in advance…I rarely keep my New Year’s resolutions.  I will try though.  If there are still any of you out there reading please let me know.  Otherwise, I’m just writing memoirs for my kids and grand-kids…I’m not convinced that they are reading any longer either. And if they are and they are the only ones, I’m going to whine and complain even more so that they know just how miserable I was while I was still cooking family dinners, baking birthday cakes, and wrapping Christmas presents.  I know signing in is a pain in the ass, but I’m a pain in the ass kind of person.  I would change the process if I could.  Of course I would also like the ability to speed up health care reform and receive my bailout…these things aren’t going to happen and you are probably not going to comment.  It’s okay having bitchy friends can be fun too!  So you are caught up my dear ones.  I will receive test results back in about two weeks.  I will let you know more of my saga at that time.  However; on the bright side (for you … not me) my mother is traveling with me to Kansas City next week for five nights and six days.  I should have plenty to write about  soon.