There is not a family story I haven’t heard.  I know every one’s business, past and present.  I have learned a multitude of things about aging.  I have learned that you truly are as young as you feel, but you should never feel so young you break your pelvis.  I have been made to understand that artificial sweeteners are poisons that I am ingesting.  I have learned that perhaps I should turn to Eastern medicine to relieve all of my ailments…to quote, “acupuncture works.”

I have learned these things because I am in Kansas City doing a little Christmas shopping, and (if you have been keeping up) my mom is with me.  I am also seeing (daily) a very dear friend that we refer to as the hubby’s Godmother.  To quote yet again, “oh honey!  That makes me sound so old.  How about Aunt?”  She will be 90 in five months.  I asked her if she had any thoughts about turning 90.  Her disturbed gaze turned on me as she said, “no dear, I try not to think of it at all.”  I told her that I was only asking because I will turn 50 on my next birthday in two months.  To which she replied, “well, if I was turning fifty, I might feel differently.”  Not one to take the hint easily, I stated that I was looking forward to the half decade mark.  She said , “well kiddo…if I could remember 50 I might be able to tell you if I enjoyed it.”  So I persisted, ” you haven’t thought about it?”  “Only when people bring it up.”  We had no further discussions…at least about age.

The good news about being with two elderly women is there is never a lull in conversation.  Between the cost of pills and the aches and pains.  I can chime in on those topics as well, but I get the distinct impression my age keeps them from taking me too seriously.  Today’s lunch discussion ranged from absent fathers to cold toilet seats.  There are plenty of laughs to be sure,  but sometimes I just get worn down.  This was meant to be a trip to service and repair my car, and that will be done.  It was also meant to be a mini vacation for moi.  Unfortunately, my mother has seen it as a bonding experience, and won’t leave me alone for two seconds.  I thought we would watch a movie tonight (in room).  The opening scene was our heroine making hot and heavy (and seriously naked), love to a stranger.  Yay!! I’m watching people F*#@ with my uptight Christian mom!  Woo hoo!!  Let’s get this party started.  I shouldn’t have worried.  She couldn’t hear the movie, because it was mostly dialogue, and I couldn’t get the volume on the set high enough for her to hear it without us being thrown out of the hotel.  So she just talked to me.  Through the whole movie. She talked about things I have heard at least 1000 times.  She did have one bit of bright news today.  I have a cousin who has been diagnosed with cancer.  I must have heard the replay of that phone conversation at least 100 times.  He is a distant cousin.  He had a tumor removed from his back.  Apparently it was malignant, and that’s all she knows.  This last part is said with a pitiful, yet somewhat joyful, look on her face.  My mom loves drama.  In this instance she will do her best to take care of this distant cousin’s, already in poor health, mother and his father whom she is convinced has cancer, but the doctor has diagnosed him with pneumonia.  “He’s probably not telling because he doesn’t want to worry his wife.”

I mostly just nod and say the occasional “um hum”, and go on.  Today I turned on Christmas carols in the car.  I turned them on so low she couldn’t hear them, but I could.  So I silently sang to myself and occasionally nodded to my mom and got by with it.  On the downside, my brain was so overloaded I missed my turn off to Target.  On the upside I barely heard all of the comments on how we were never going to get all of my packages in the car.  I figure I will deal with that when I have to. 

I think I take after my dad.  I pray to God that I take after my dad.  I love my mom.  I know I’ve said it a million times, but I mean it every time.  It’s just that she has lead a very sheltered life.  Most of it was spent taking care of my father, and that means that the rest of her experiences have been limited.  Which is why I take her with me places.  I like for her to experience new things.  Like using a card key.  It’s hard.  Each time I have to remind her to put the Hilton part in first.  It was cute the first two days.  My dad was a lot less concerned with the little stuff.  He was a joker, and always had a kind of laid back existence.  He could get seriously angry.  This was especially true if  his girls were mistreated.  He was 5′6″, 125 lbs. of total whoop ass if you didn’t treat us properly.  But his favorite words, his most often overheard comment was, “it’ll all work out.”  Mom needs to be reminded that it will indeed.

Tomorrow we are going to the Plaza to see the Christmas lights.  We will be having an early dinner, a blue plate special if you will.  I’m sure someone will share their meal with someone else.  It happens everytime.  It depends on what is chosen and who thinks that sounds good…but it will happen.  I don’t know where we are eating.  I don’t know what we are eating.  I only know that I will be drinking a Patron margarita, rocks, with salt.  Three more days to go…