I say five and sorta six because technically it was six nights and five days.  The bottom line is, I’m home.  Mom swears she had a good time.  I don’t see how.  Unless she truly enjoys the life she lives at home, because she basically did the same things.  She got up in the morning, made coffee, did her Bible reading, and played on the computer.  When I got up (several hours later), she made more coffee and played on the computer until I got out of the shower.  We went to lunch.  We found something to kill time until dinner. which I ate and she didn’t.  We came back to the hotel and she brushed her teeth and went to bed right after the ten o’clock news.

Other than the shopping, and not sleeping with my husband, (okay…other than the shopping) I guess my routine wasn’t so different either.  Of course, I did eat two meals out per day.  Shhh!!! We’re not telling Jenny Craig.  She thinks I was good, or at least she will until I weigh in.  Which, if I time it right should be about June.  I have been living on sticks and bugs for the last six months.  At first, I dropped like twenty pounds.  It took me  ten weeks, but I dropped those twenty pounds.  Then they increased my damned medication again and promptly put back on ten pounds.  Ten!  After nearly three months of sticks and bugs!  Who the hell is this Valerie Bertinellie and why do the put her head on that chick in the bikini?  Anyway…back to the trip.  Mother and I actually did fairly well.  We took one little wrong turn in choosing the Bible as a subject of discussion on the way home.  To say we view it differently is what they call an under statement.  So we went on to safer subjects.  Like how she basically raised my older son for me while I went out on dates all the time.  (Don’t I wish?  At least about the dates.)

Mother has decided that Mennen Baby Magic is the best lotion ever.  She uses it twice a day, and I guess for her it is alright…she is in her second childhood.  The last time I had it on me was about 24 years ago, and that was only because I had lotioned my baby.  She purchased about a gallon bottle and wanted to share with me.  She offered to let me take that bottle home, because she had more.  I told her that due to my extremely dry skin I really needed a cream and not a lotion.   This is not a lie.  I choose to use Aveeno Night Time skin cream because it is the only thing my skin doesn’t soak up like a sponge in 2 minutes.  Instead of, “well okay.”  I got that mother look that everyone knows.  The one that says, “okay you little fool, but if you listen to me you would be better off.”  Oh come on.  You have used it, and I damn near perfected it.  To some degree it always works, but not to such a degree that my very wonderful perfume gets overwhelmed by smelling like a baby’s bottom.  Yes sometimes, a baby’s bottom smells better than others, but I am talking about a clean baby’s bottom here…a clean, freshly lotioned, baby’s bottom.  I still prefer my perfume.

I dropped mom off tonight about 9:30 p.m., and I walked her to the door of her apartment and helped her unload her luggage before I went home.  I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her that I would call her tomorrow, and I will.  The only time I was really wondering how I was going to make this work was when we were in the car for hours at a time.  That was really on the way up and way back, but I survived and so did she.  I don’t even have to be concerned about long car rides for a long, long…oh who am I kidding.  She rides with me to my sister’s on Christmas Eve.  This time, hopefully I’ll remember to avoid the Bible!