It has already been pointed out to me that I have failed at my New Year’s Resolution.  My very astute non-vag. daughter pointed out that perhaps I had chosen a resolution that I knew I would fail at in order to be able to blog about it.  Alas, that was not my intention.  I began this blog with the intention of writing everyday.  At first I did.  Then my life got in the way.  Now I find myself being constantly audited by the very subjects I would most often blog about, and as such rules have been made.

It is the fault of my children, husband, sisters, and others that I do not blog any more often than I do.  Only The Precious cares little whether I blog about him or not, and I feel that will change as soon as he can read.  My children have asked that I not write about them.  If I do I must never mention names, and only mention scenarios in which none of their peers could ever recognize them.  I have tried to point out that I have never signed this blog with my name so how would their friends know…their answer has always been “I’ll know.”  Therefore, I can only blog about my children when doing so casts them in a good light.   They are written about very little.

I can’t blog about my husband or our sex life in anyway except using very broad brush strokes.  His brother and sister read my blog and God forbid they should either one find out that he has a sex life.  Just for clarification for them and my kids…we don’t.   We never have.  We never will.  Ours is a totally platonic relationship. We’re just two really good friends, who happen to love spending all of our time together.  There’s nothing dirty going on.  (Please contact me if you are interested in buying the Golden Gate bridge, or any of several national monuments.  Phone 1-800-GUL-ABLE…true spelling didn’t work)

I can blog about my sisters.  Correction.  I can blog about two of my three sisters.  One of the nasty bitches threatened to give mom by website if I don’t watch what I say about her.  That’s a shame too, because aside from mom she was my best blog fodder.  If I lose mom I might as well just shut down the site.  The other two I don’t really see often enough to rage on.  One lives about 2 hours away.  The other lives about 15 minutes away, but she doesn’t like me so we don’t see each other often.  If we did I can promise there would be plenty to blog about.  Fur tends to fly when we are together for too long.  I blame her…she of course can’t see her fault in matters.  I almost said what a bitch she is, but I took the high road (insert nah nah nah nah nah).

I can’t discuss a lot of things.  I haven’t been out as much to discuss the ladies of the block.  My very dear, very southern friend who lives down the street probably thinks I died.  I can’t always blog about politics and religion (one of which I am very adamant about and the other I have a much more relaxed view on than most family members).  I can’t discuss my exercise regimen, because if you know me you know that would be one effin’ short blog.  I can’t discuss garden club, book club, or bridge because I don’t garden.  I only read things that I think will shock people, and I think bridge is something you use to get over water.

So, my dear ones, loosen the restraints!  If you can’t do that, then for goodness sakes send me some topics.  I can talk about anything for a little while.  Do you want to know how I handled my hysterectomy?  Let me know.  Do you want to know if I think turning 50 is cool because you get free checking?  Just ask.  I set up the face book page for aging disgracefully.  Just do a search when you log on, and then leave me your comments, complaints and or questions.  Seriously, it’s your fault if I don’t have anything to write about.  I think all three of you should just be ashamed of yourselves!

 

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.