Don’t start with me.  I don’t want to hear it.  The elbow isn’t healing.  I’m doing all the damned things I’m supposed to.  Taking my meds and wearing the damned strap on it, but it just won’t heal.  I see my doc next Friday.  I hope he has a solution.  At this point he can just cut it off…I can’t use it anyway.  I’m pretty sure I could type with a stub…at least I could type as well as I already do. 

In December I went to the rheumatologist and he put me on some new meds…I’m sure you remember…well my ears started ringing.  I have been hearing cicadas for the last three months.  Boppy is a mumbler.  For one thing, his mouth is thirteen inches above my head.  The second thing is he talks like Mushmouth from The Fat Albert Show.  It’s making for a difficult relationship.  Tonight we decided to go to a place called “Louie’s” for dinner.  I had thrown several choices out and was waiting to hear what he had decided when I heard, “Igeswillgolous”.  Rather than say, “What?” yet again I waited to see where the car was head.  When we pulled into “Louie’s”  I had my answer.   It was anybodies guess until we pulled into the parking lot.  I kind of thought we might be going to a place called “Noodles”.  You can see where I would be confused.

Add to all of this, I think there is a splinter in the dance hall floor.  Having just revamped the whole place I’m a little pissed.  We just put in the new floor.  I have an appointment with that Dr. soon, not soon enough, but soon.  My oldest son told me a story about a woman who went into the ER with the complaint that she had a mouse in her dance hall.  The hospital was a teaching hospital and the attending physician soon turned this case over to a student.  The poor lad went in fully gloved and came out bug eyed stating that he had indeed been bitten, and there was a tiny tear at the tip end of his middle finger.  The attendant went in to see what the problem was.  He asked the lady to be specific.  She said that she herself had never been bitten, but that her boyfriend had.  Her husband (lol) had never complained of being bitten, but her boyfriend was refusing to have sex with her until something was done.  She ended the statement with, “I need you to pull the mouse out my vogina (long o).  The doctor gloved up and went in.  Her IUD string was hanging out her cervix and because it was metal it was poking those who were more endowed.  I do not have an IUD.  It would be pointless.  It would be kind of like putting an expensive lock on a door and forgetting to put up walls.  Here’s my dillema: do I tell my Dr. that there is a splinter in the dance hall floor, or do I tell her there might be a mouse in my vogina.  Can’t imagine wtf is going on.  It’s probably something exotic that no one has ever heard of before and will take a team of specialists to repair.  That is my luck.  “Oh, I don’t have any idea what is going on…um hmmm…in there, and I’m about out of gloves.  Let’s see if we can find someone who can help you.  Nurse…can you get the number for Terminex?”

Lately I feel like an abused ‘57 Chevy.  I’m dented and wrecked and all of my parts are outdated. Even my headlights are no longer aligned.  My tires are flat, and the springs in my backseat are busted.  The motor seems to be okay, but let’s face it…who has ever fallen in love with a car because of it’s motor?   If I was in a junkyard, no one would choose me to help out their car.  I would just sit there and rust.  Last year when I went through my blister phase, I thought that was the worst.  Little did I know that if I was patient, worse  things would come.  Woo Hoo!  When I hit 40 things began to ache.  I started to groan as I sat down, and as I stood up.  At 50, I also groan as I walk, or lie, or sit, or….well you get the picture.  My middle kid told me that 50 was the new 45.  I told him that 30 was going to be the new dead if he didn’t shut up.  He shut up.  That in itself was pretty amazing. 

So…I’m sitting in my recliner.  I have a blanket up to my chin (because Boppy is allergic to heat) and my laptop perched on my lap.  My rhinestone encrusted readers are on the tip end of my nose.   My pain pills are within arms reach.  I have my TENS unit on my elbow, and it is hurting in a really good way.  I’m two seconds away from PJ’s, and two minutes away from Ambien.  That’s good enough for now.